O yes they are! - Pantometricks

(The following stanzas were intended to be part of a pantomime written soon after the decimalisation of the pound sterling. It was based (loosely) on "Jack and the Beanstalk", for a school production, with the Ogre an ex-maths teacher.. the sort of man who having reduced the number of lines in the multiplication table by two will then claim he has reduced the effort of learning the tables by 17% ...)


Halfcrown, halfpenny have I banned
Sixpence, shilling, penny - and -
Inflation my achievement crowns:
For soon we'll only need the pounds.

Farthing, quinea, bob and crown,
Groat and noble - put them down!
All old money's out of bounds,
And soon we'll only need the pounds.


Broad and angel, bawbee, bob
Shall no longer have a job -
Sterling, sov'reigns away he hounds
And soon we'll only need the pounds.

Ogre (changing tempo):

You've heard of China Dollars,
Of wooden nickels round;
Our new coin will surpass them all:
The Aluminium Pound!


Inch and foot and ounce and ton,
See them vanish, one by one;
Pound and yard and rod and stone
Not one will I leave alone!

Gill and pint and perch and pole,
Out I cast them from my soul,
Gallon, bushel, acre, mile -
See my happy metric smile!

Furlong, chain and quarter and
Hundredweight and point and hand,
Knot and cable, fathom, clove,
Not a scruple left, by Jove!

Drachm and minim, chaldron, sack
To my metric gods I pack;
Pennyweight and grain and peck
Cast I from around my neck.

Children's chant (unfinished):

Leave our perches, poles and rods,
We'll not obey your metric gods,
Don't pinch our inch, it is so neat -
And keep your great hands off our feet!